benadryl, sperts of joy and a very rant-like post

one of the things about EDS, is sometimes my immune system is hyper reactive, and because i take imunosupresents to treat systemic lupus it can be free to attack itself as much as it wants. today my body decided it wanted to stop producing tears (Sjogren syndrome) so i have bee using eye drops every hour almost and im on my third benadryl. all in all i feel okay today aside from normal ailments. i've been taking advantage of this "healthy day" to make Dr and PT/OT appointments and responding to Emails, and taking breaks to eat and do breathing treatments. throughout the day i have been having sort sperts of time (a few seconds) where i feel nothing but joy. this is something that happens to me on occasion, my psychiatrist says its minor serotonin syndrome from high dose antidepressants (300mg of Effexor). but i think its just my mind giving me a reason to keep going in tough moments where everything seems to suck. there are very few things that seem worth continuing for, on days that are high in pain or when im stuck hooked up to machines immobilize by IVs and catheters. so these moments of happiness are something that i choose to hold on to. when i got my cytoxan infusion last week, the nurse who was bandaging my PICC line said the thing that i have heard from far too many doctors and nurses "oh honey, you have been through so much." this is soothing that we joke about a lot in the online community of people with chronic disease, people who aren't sick think that confirming that us being sick does, in fact, really sick, is supposed to be comforting. but the truth is, id much rather you say "i really like your art" or "where did you get your shirt?" treat me like a human. not a pity case. i want to be reminded that im not less then you, im not inferior to the population of able bodied people.